An Exploration of Love - Self-Love
Love is a word that can be thrown around so much it becomes meaningless, or used so little it becomes unsayable. It’s importance and strength as a word can be undermined when applied to ice-cream or pop-tarts. Similarly, when it is completely avoided, the word can become so powerful and terrifying it simply cannot be said. In this series, we will explore three types of love – self-love, parental love and love of others.
“You cannot love another until you love yourself,” is a common saying with a wealth of wisdom within it. To not love yourself, is to not care for and look after yourself. It is self-neglect. This results in a reliance on others which, as we will discuss in the love of others part of this series, almost removes the ability to love them. So, what is self-love? And, how can we apply it?
Self-love can be split into two parts – love for yourself today and love for yourself tomorrow. It is common for people to neglect one of these two parts, yet without embracing both we are a detriment to our mental health.
Love for yourself today is being kind to yourself in the present – treating yourself with patience, affection and understanding. Whatever makes you feel relaxed, or brings you joy or happiness, within reason, is part of this self-love. Yet, to only embrace love for yourself today, without considering tomorrow, is to live expediently. It is to live only for today. Think of your self as not just an individual today, but a countless amount of individuals spanning your entire life-time. To only live for today, means you are neglecting every single individual in this timespan except one. You are neglecting the majority of your selves.
This is where the second essential part of self-love comes into play – love for yourself tomorrow. This is the ability to consider yourself across time and care for the person you will be tomorrow, and next week, and next month, and next year, and next decade. To avoid neglecting all of these selves, you must act in a way which is kindest to them. However, to only think of yourself tomorrow, and not today, is to live each day without enjoyment, without relaxation, in a permanent state of stress.
How can you, then, embrace both love for yourself today and love for yourself tomorrow? Think of these two as part of a scale, on which you must find a balance. To relax in the sun, take a nap and watch TV are ways of loving yourself today. But within the same day, to eat well, exercise, and educate yourself, is to love yourself tomorrow. Some acts may include both, such as socialising and walking in nature.
To find the balance, is to love your selves across all time. It is the achievement of complete self-love. Such self-love is not selfish, it is essential to wellbeing. Through such self-love, you allow yourself to truly show love towards others…of which we shall discuss in the next post.